I don't hate homosexuals (or bisexuals or transgendered persons). But I do hate that it doesn't seem possible to have a civil, grace-filled conversation around the issue, especially within the Christian circles that I frequent. Those coming from staunchly conservative paradigms seem to fear that dialogging with LGBT (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender) Christians in order to hear each other out is tantamount to endorsing the "homosexual agenda". And those coming from the staunchly liberal paradigms that are passionately pro-LGBT often seem overly eager to interpret a willingness just to talk as a willingness to embrace LGBT lifestyles as normal and acceptable. Given these realities, the simple fact of the matter is that folks from both ends of this issue and the various points in between don't talk to each other and hence, don't know each other. Out of such ignorance arises all kinds of mischaracterizations, misrepresentations, and misunderstandings. Which only then makes matters worse, not better.
During pre-Civil Rights Movement history, the absence of meaningful and deep relationships between Whites and Blacks led to exaggerated stereotypes and amplified fears. In general, the absence of relationships where wielding power is NOT the point often leads to dehumanization of "other" and fear-driven opinions and positions. Emergent icon/pastor/author/speaker Rob Bell is quoted as having said, "We have no right to speak about homosexuality unless we have homosexual friends and are familiar with their struggles." In other words, this volatile issue involves real human beings and so must be discussed within the context of real relationships.
I quote Bell not to say that I agree with him completely on this, but to differentiate his point from mine. To his credit, I believe too many Christians who DON'T have any LGBT family members or close friends often stake out really harsh positions. However, those same Christians come to softer conclusions when, down the road, they discover that, a) a member of their family is LGBT, b) a good and close friend is LGBT, or c) they one day conclude that THEY are LGBT (ala Ted Haggard?)! Until that revelation occurs, how many people are beat up, even destroyed, by these Christians up until the day that they feel compelled to be more tolerant or accepting because it's now someone that they know and care about. "Lesbians, gays, bisexuals and trannies are all an affront to God's creation and an abomination that should never be tolerated or embraced. What was that? Our 28-yr-old son just told you he's gay (claims he always has been) and has been living out of the closet for the past 3 years in Manhattan? (gulp) Well, even though I don't believe that this is how God made him and I can't stand behind his lifestyle, I'm not going to expel him from our family or church. After all, he's still our son, isn't he?" At any rate, one reason why this 'switcheroo' happens is because too many of us take initial hard-line positions on tough issues sort of assuming that "this will never happen to me or anyone that I care about." Getting to know real people for whom being LGBT is a daily issue, imho, can only help us know what to think and how to live together on the same spinning rock in this part of the universe.
With all of this in mind, our church has agreed to serve as the host-site for a forum on homosexuality in early May 2008 where this kind of missing conversation can take place. It's still in the planning stages but we've already started a dialog with a devout AA Christian who for nearly a decade led those with sexual brokenness through a restorative process but for the past several years has reached the opposite conclusion and is now openly gay. We hope that we can provide a safe and civil atmosphere where he truly feels valued as one who has been made in the image of God and is free to tell his story. I'm also hoping that the Spirit will raise up a pair of straight Christian parents who now have openly LGBT grown children or family members. I'm trusting God to raise up an example of Christians who disapprove with the lifestyle but are unwilling or unable to stop loving their family members. If I can somehow manage, this event will NOT be about getting everyone to agree on cause or to agree about what the Bible says or doesn't say about the subject. I doubt that day will ever come, so why exhaust ourselves trying to get everyone to agree on stuff like this, right?
Again, my Spirit-driven desire is to hatch a conversation that rarely happens and for a plethora of AsiAm Christians from even outside our church to hear how real people struggle to have solid convictions while still learning how to co-exist with each other. Some folks recently asked me why I didn't appear to be freaking out around the possibility that very Conservative Christians and others might toss me out on my ear if I went ahead with hosting this forum. To which I replied, "I'm just trying to get a conversation going, not stake out a particular position in either direction. What's so controversial about hearing each other's stories?"
Jesus has made me naive enough to believe that God's Spirit will in fact enable us to have this needed conversation. Just reading about that 14-yr-old Oxnard, CA, boy who was murdered by an 8th grade classmate spurs me on to host this forum. The victim, Larry King, weeks earlier had just started coming to school adorned by a selection of female accessories and referring to himself as "gay" (imho, sounds more like Gender Identity Disorder). At any rate, the other classmate eventually upped the ante from cruel-name-calling to bringing a loaded pistol to school and putting two bullets in King's head. As odd and quirky as King was, I hope you will agree with me that he certainly didn't deserve to be executed with two bullets to his head.
We need to talk to each other, even if we can't see eye-to-eye on everything. If you or your friends are interested, what I know thus far is that it's going to be on either the first or second Saturday in May, probably starting @ 7:30pm and going for a couple of hours. It will most likely be in a talkshow format with me as your host. And the sponsoring org (Christians on Social Issues / CSI) hopes/plans to host a follow up conference afterwards.
Comments (28)
Pastor Ken, you are an amazing person and pastor...willing to go "outside of the box". You're very humble and grounded, bringing so much humility to the rest of us. EBCLA is so fortunate to have you as our pastor. I love what you're doing!
You're very kind, Kalani. Your words touched me deeply. thanks.
Talking about this in the Asian context takes a lot of guts. I commend you on that. As a Christian I support gay marriage but I think it takes a lot to empathize with the LGBTQ community and I wonder if folks are willing to do the work necessary to grow into loving people.
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